Breaking Perfect: Artist Rendition

On the outside, our life looks perfect.

Inside, I’m screaming.

I crave order because I want to be a good girl. But good girls aren’t broken, and I’m shattered in ways I’ve spent my entire life hiding. One day, the bad secrets inside of me will slip out.

My husband saved me from a monster, so I want to make him proud. I live for his praise. I do as I’m told, and I never let the pain inside of me breathe anymore. But it’s there, dormant and waiting to get out.

When an unexpected guest shows up unannounced, I discover my husband has secrets from his past, too. For the first time, I fear I might lose him. My version of perfect is no longer a priority as I try to become everything I think he needs to save our marriage.

What we’re doing is wrong. What does it say about me if–deep down–I enjoy the depravity? 

I want to revel in the pain as much as I need to escape the chaos. My fear of losing him consumes me. The ache, the sting, the burn…I’m falling apart, and nothing seems to ground me except for his touch–but HE is not my husband, and yet he seems to be the key to our future.

I existed for years, content to please one powerful man. Could I please two? That’s not something a good girl would do.